Saturday, January 15, 2011

A Day in the Life of Nathalie Mason-Fleury

Move over Juliet de Baubigny

In the midst of an immensely glamorous life where every minor acquaintance is some headlining Nobel Laureate, Titan of Industry, Famous Statesperson,
I’ve currently been stood up by my nemesis, Juan el Mecanico, who did NOT show up from 2-5pm to fix the currently broken blinds/washing machine/stove top. The scoundrel then had the gall to show up on another random day, fix absolutely nothing and charge me 300 euros.

I will take a moment to answer the question people most frequently ask me: “Nathalie, how DO you do it all?”
”Mamaaa….leche! Mamaaa….caca!”

What can I say, it’s the basic challenge facing every modern woman: how to balance a challenging career, personal and family time, with meaningful volunteer work. In my case, I try to make the world a better place through my foundation for rehabilitating the images of People Who Have Fallen Victim to Reality TV.

CV

In Delta Force, I received Airborne, Air Assault, Ranger and Special Forces training. Following distinguished military service, hired as senior operative with the Los Angeles Police Department's Special Weapons and Tactics unit and the Central Intelligence Agency as a case officer in the clandestine service, before joining the Counter Terrorist Unit…Proficiency with firearms, explosives, electronic devices, especially resistant to torture, fluent in Spanish, Serbian, Russian and Arabic, can pilot airplanes and helicopters.
Do I really need one of those to go to the grocery store, cook, scavenger hunt for the latest “must-bring” item at my kids schools, and clean up dog mess?
Exercise

Get up at 5:30 am. Run 10 miles.
Get up as late as I can get away with and still get kids to school-bus on time. “Me time” consists of briefly thinking about working out, before deciding I would rather read update from “Tom and Lorenzo” on Mad Men style. “In this episode Joan is wearing purple. Remember purple is her “vulnerable” color.”

Diet

Nutritious breakfast of egg-white omelet, sliced peppers and decaf coffee with sweetener and soy milk.
Lapsang Souchong tea, milk, 2 teaspoons sugar—cereal out of the box. On special mornings, pancakes and BACON!

Fashion

It’s there every week in the “best-dressed” pages.
The same non-cute, non-matching workout clothes I did not go to yoga, pilates, krav maga or running in.

Beauty

Ladies is it really my fault if your husbands can’t keep their eyes off my BJ-lips and gravity-defying tits?
If I ever had to compose a personal ad for the London Review of Books, it would run something like this: “She liked to think of herself as a MILF. The reality was closer to ‘under-40 (barely), multi-parous woman, with slight tendency to the plumpy side’ ”.

Organization Tips

See my patented spreadsheets covering every potential situation from “What to do if you find yourself accidentally wearing the same dress as Jennifer Aniston to the Oscars” to “How to handle a hostage situation.”
If it’s really important, they’ll call or email again, right?

Quality Time with the Offspring

Little Prudence and Prince are so cute when they play together.
I’m wearing ear-plugs and hiding from them right now.

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