Thursday, February 1, 2007

Apple, Part 2: the Bad

Fake Steve-O,

Feeling good after my review of the Shuffle? hold on to your breath. Ok, the bad now.

Well frankly OSX. I think it sucks. My mother also thinks it sucks.
My mom thinking it sucks is a "Nuff said".

I know you all like to sniff your underams alot about how great your stinking software is? HOW IN THE WORLD can you claim that it is the "most advanced software in the world". Such delusion! Frankly, I think it stinks. Like a bad french cheese but without the good taste. The fact that your minions seems oblivious to that stinkiness really, really gets on my nerves.

I put my mother on a G5 machine that is collecting dust in my basement. Yeah, I bought one of those monster a long time ago. I never could bring myself to really use it. No matter how hard I tried. I even tried forcing myself for a full week, just to get in the groove of things and all. No go, I went right back to my VAIO. I never "got it".

So I teach my mom how to surf the web with OSX. She did so for a day, fumbled around with it. She never got it either. She went right back to her SONY VAIO. She couldn't be bothered with the OSX interface again. She just didn't care at all. I felt kind of embarrassed. I mean I didn't like it, why was I pushing it on my mom?

Your commercials really get on my nerves too. I think they are just misleading. A laptop is really easy to use with Windows. Enough of these lies with "windows is hard". Where do you think you are, 1997? Making fun of windows users because they have to program GUI in win32 API's? or because a Vista upgrade is like "surgery". WHAT THE F&CK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SERIOUSLY! I wonder why you haven't been slammed with a libel lawsuit from MSFT, probably because you are too insignificant to even bother and they actually need you limping along? Me? those commercials just turn me off and irritate me. But I guess I am not your target.

Yesterday I had lunch with Gavin King, you don't know Gavin but you should. He is a real software developer, one of the best ones in the world at that. And he is hip too. You would like Gavin. So anyway Gavin starts the conversation by saying "Marc, I went gay".

Going "gay" is our way at JBoss of saying "dude, you bought a mac!". I asked what happened, he knows better. He said he got bored and bought himself a Intel laptop from you guys. I asked WTF, I already did that mistake and gave the freaking pig right back after 2 weeks of trial. He repeats he was bored of his Windows machine and gave it try.

He freaking hates it and regrets every second of it. He wants to go to Vista. He gripes about how it is imposible to develop on that pig of an OS, that the keyboard shortcuts are all screwed up and some of the things he likes to do in cut and paste while writing code are just a no go on a Mac. He goes on with the moronic keyboard and mouse features. We laugh for a while.

I tell him, "a mac is like a bimbo". It looks good and shiny from a distance, you think you really want to try it. But once you do, after 2 weeks of "doing it" you are bored, bored to tears. Tired of everything, the pretty animation stuff, the big tatas, the transparent look and feel, the big tatas, the genie bullshit animation, the big tatas, the stuff that is different from windows "just to be different", the big tatas and the empty brains. Just BORED, the novelty effect has worn off. Except this time it really sucks and you just want to be home, back with your wife, back with the Windows you know.

I tell you who's got it right now from a software standpoint: Google. I LOVE using their stuff right now (mail, calendar, group, blog). But I guess you know, fakesteve, since you are the one who turned me onto blogger. Oh and finally, what's up with using all that OSS software in OSX and not contributing back, huh?

I hope Vista puts your PC division out of business once and for all.



Andrew C. Oliver said...

I run Ubuntu on my MacBookPro. I love it. Of course I can't stand windows or OS X, but there is a difference between us Marc. I can still put a PC together with my bare hands (in fact I rarely insert the screws because I might at any moment and who knows where the screw driver will be then with the 2 year old running around). Both Windows and OS X are for consumer grade computing. Real geeks use Linux...and busy geeks use Ubuntu so that their video card actually works ;-)

To be fair, Apple did try to contribute back to open source in the apple way. They didn't want to play in our sand boxes (being too good for us) so they created their own global fork of everything: Shockingly, it failed to catch on. They thought bitches would come running to help them write OS X and they'd just pick it up, add a lot of proprietary stuff and roll with it. Oddly, the bitches didn't appear.

Anyhow, It took me a lot to come crawling back to apple but the magnet power thing did it. I'm rough on hardware and ripped too many power couplings out. Oh well.

marcf said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
marcf said...

Unfortunately you are right, by calling geek squad I may have effectively revoked my alpha-geek status.

It even crossed my mind, as I was walking to the store. I was ashamed. I almost thought of telling them I actually used to write software for a living. How silly would look if I tried to explain to them "you know, I am not as dumb as you think, I actually helped write and build the modern web infrastructure you use every day, chances are you interacted with one of our systems today, for real man". It sounds so stupid and has-been.

They would probably look at me with a bland stare, chew their gum, and go "yeah! whatever dude! meanwhile you can't get your PC to POST, and you are here begin for us to fix your mess, LOOOSER"

I bought my equipment at Fry's (they finally opened one in ATL) and as I was looking at the motherboards, on the second day after a day of failure, I heard this guy talking to a rep about why this particular motherboard was returned. The rep said "bah, probably someone who wanted to get something going but they didn't know what they were doing so they brought it back". I was ashamed and wanted to disappear.

Sic transit gloria mundi, my own technological rapid decay is sad sight to see.

Andrew C. Oliver said...

The first step is to admit you have a problem. The next step is to go all out. Grab one of those cheap $2-300 gigs from cost co or similar. Pull it a part, put it back together and then install Gentoo... The alpha-geekiest version of Linux.

I'm only a half-alpha geek. I ruined a laptop trying to solder the power coupling back in...but *shrug* my hands shake.

Or if you want to take baby steps back to alpha... There is a menu option on the PS3 to install Linux IIRC.

Jeff said...

Andrew, I have to agree ubuntu + beryl = all the stability you wish you had, but never have seen on any system before + the eye catching appeal we are lacking with windows and mac.

I gotta nudge ya too, Marc. Come on grab hold of that geek in ya! and give us a video blog of you building a pc from scratch with linux! You too can show all those mothers and other folks just how easy it is. Bet if you give it another shot on one of those POS couple hundred dollar Costco rigs instead of some spiffed up $2500 rig with manuals you can’t even read…

Were here to support ya :)

Andrew C. Oliver said...

OMG it is a geek intervention. Marc, you have a problem...its not the weed or the heroin or the cocaine...its that you haven't plaid with PC parts in a long time... Its a problem, its hurting your family...your friends...your self. Don't do it for us do it for YOU!

BTW I don't run Beryl or any snazzy UI cheese...I hate that kind of thing. Animation is for Japanese porn not UIs.

Jeff said...

Oh that’s no fun Andrew! You have to have your cake and eat it too!

Plus with a little more development beryl and others aren't far from multi touch screens and minority report interactivity.

Combined with multiple cubes (which really should be taken to barrels, or stacked cubes, or multi cubes placed over a 3d desktop...)

Turn on your favorite technological themed music and enjoy the short videos :)



Andrew C. Oliver said...


The First video is a pretty nice demo. I don't know that I want that much exercise while looking at maps...but cool demo. Marc will like it. The second ads to my perception...this is the kind of crap I used to disable on Windows to make it run less horribly slow. It offers no productivity gain and gets old after the first day. I'd rather a quick key combo or the little 4 desktop icon (I conf'd to 4) on my menu bar which is stage right so it never gets in my way. The last is mildly convincing. If it offered a performance advantage I might consider it. Then it becomes a tweak rather than a stupid eye toy. I still wear nearly all JBoss t-shirts simply because they were free and I haven't bought any new shirts in the last several years because I could always call JBoss up to send me more shirts or lift them on occasional office visits. I am likely to kill some emaciated teenager when I go to the mall to buy a T-Shirt with some slightly obnoxious phrase on it...when he tries to upsell me on some trendy something that costs 5x more than I think it ought to. So you can only imagine how much UI fashion annoys me :-)

marcf said...

Wow, yeah you are right, I AM impressed by this beryl thingy, pretty cool indeed. I was not aware of this kind of development, I have been out of touch with Linux on the desktop since 2001 :)

But come on guys, enough with calling my geekness, I am geeker than thou, and will prove it. Also geek squad called, I assume the PC is ready. Look, I have the mullah so throwing it at my fellow geeks is perfectly kosher, so there!

PS: part 3 is so scathing, I don't think I can release it as such :)

Jeff said...

Glad you both enjoyed the videos! There is so much out there that isn’t being utilized to its fullest nor proper potential. We keep spreading the gap of technology and adoption. Why is it innovators are making stuff that’s so neat but you have to be a true early adopter just to keep up with it or have the last twenty gizmos to understand it… Real cool stuff is getting so expensive that the average every day Joe can’t afford it and in particular tech. is not truly becoming cheap enough that whole wide world and world wide web… can get access to it. We have little to no idea what the non geek’s want, which is something we as innovators and leaders need to address.

Andrew, I suppose I could send you a shirt and get some free advertising eh (personal not business)? Contact me at circleofwaves at gmail dot com and I’ll arrange for a shirt for ya :) Though I have to agree with you, walking into a mall and looking at designer jeans that cost $50-100 for a dude is just effing ridiculous… they got boxers and undershirts that cost as much as a tank of gas now a days… I vow to build a “do it yourself” cnc / sewing / clothing designer machine! Eventually… heh

Marc, “geeker than thou, and will prove it” Throw some mullah... err time at this geek and all I can say is lets prove it :) Know your busy, look forward to speaking more with you in the coming weeks.

PS… I fix pc’s in return for interviews!!! Even multi boot Linux / Windows and what ever other os’es ya need :) don’t forget the QA 1 and 2… Another geeky option is turning that POS Linksys router I imagine you have (buffalo, dlink and others too) into something powerful. Both are relatively quick and simple, should be worthy of building up confidene and getting you well on your way to proving your geekyness. I’m sorry I couldn’t help but poke a few more times :)

Much respect,

Jeff said...

Oh and the Good and the Bad were enjoyed immensely with lots of laughs... please do us the pleasure of sharing the Ugly!

marcf said...


IT is not a question of "price" imho but one of visibility. I was reading a piece on "social gaming" and the new field of social studies around games like "WoW". (will blog about that).

Anyway, one of their finding is that no matter what the seed world, all these parallel worlds evolve a central marketplace, whose "physical" place in the world seems to be mostly random. The reason for that is that as a group we need trusted sources of information and few enough of them that we can manage them.

Slashdot is a good example of a link aggregator, as a geek I can rely on that for basic information. You seem to be using google and your own compass, jeff? If not how do you find all this stuff? Finding information, on your end, and having it available to you on the producers end is a big trick.

In any case, I think the same thing applies here, I didn't even know about these things you talk about, but I have been out :)

For the "geekiness", he he I was going to write about biotech and the very recent progress made in genetics. When you read sci-fi it is also about modifying our bodies with bio-engineering. Not just screen icon animation...

I'll prove it. Off to geek squad :)


Jeff said...

I’m with ya on the massive online role-playing environments ( being the best as of today). I gathered enough money to leave school and move out when I was 16 through Ultima Online (one of the first and best in my not so humble opinion) and later continued to stack cash through other MMORPG’s, inevitably leading to my role at Microsoft assisting with mmorpg’s Asherons Call 1 and 2. So my response to trusted content is OpenID and Sxip in addition to an online community made up of professionals and general users… with “OnStar” (real live reps on demand) service provided by our representatives and the community. The end user being someone with a personal computer, cell phone, or one of our hardware appliances and / or software (and middleware web services) applications that allows for modular additions via PCI, USB, Firewire, Wifi, Zigbee, IR, coaxial, powerline, or home and business automation technologies…

And for geekyness, sure personal interaction with animated desktops is fun but true efficiency, flexibility, scalability, harnessable power, ubiquitous connectivity and collaboration is what is really necessary. Are you familiar with Ray Kurzweil? He has a very interesting point of view that explains how we might want to look at creating technology that fits into a technological timeline. For the most part I believe he is right on the money. You can briefly catch a glimpse at and the follow along power point can be found at So if he is correct which I believe he truly is, then we should be creating software to meet the capabilities of hardware at a certain point in time, and by deducting a world view and adoption cycle, we can figure out what people will want at X time and we will be able to create technologies that will be massively intriguing and worthwhile… Over time as the price falls which it will and potentially make it globally appealing… In addition to marketing, advertising, yadda yadda but we all know this.

I’m veering off your original post topic a little bit, if you’re interested I’ll elaborate another time. Keep up the interesting blogging and best of luck with the PC :)

Jeff said...

Try and put the ETech line after media/ dont know what the deal is. Wont post correctly.

Lance said...

"Real geeks use Linux..."

And tell their less geeky friends to use OS X because it is based on Unix, which is much more stable then anything out of Redmond.

Juha said...

I was reading a piece on "social gaming" and the new field of social studies around games like "WoW". (will blog about that).

Hmm, looking forward to it.

For me, there has always been a strong connection between what we did at JBoss for Java middleware, some of the biological theories that you are looking at now, and the current emerging forms of mass entertainment.

In fact, it was the reason I stumbled on the EJBoss mailing list so many years ago. Took longer than I expected to get a free, high-quality, scalable Java middleware in place but then it was worth the wait -- and makes addressing the two remaining pieces of the puzzle much easier :-)

So I'm surprised you've touched all of the three topics in such a short period on your blog.

"A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward."

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